Turning the page

Recently had a very sole searching talk with a friend at work. The conversation may have been a short one, but it  prompted many deep thoughts from me about myself. It took me back to my roots of becoming who I am today, or who I might have became had I decided to make the left turn instead of the right turn at various junctures in my life. 

I guess over these last few years, I have forgotten the path that got me where I am now. I have gotten complacent! I have become unrealistic and expect certain events to turn my way where I have no valid reasons to have such expectation. Throughout my life, I have to work extra hard to achieve the simplest of my goals. No one was ever there to lend me a hand, or pick me up when I have fallen on hard times. My survival instinct is my only natural skill I called upon to navigate the treacherous waters. Basically, I evolved and adapt to my new environment. I have gotten soft.

My history stretch back to when I was sent to boarding school at a young age of 8 far away from my parents. Difficult decisions were made solely by my tender mind. I learned from my mistakes and I have to learn them quick or face harsh consequences of emotional distress. It took me quite a while to get through those difficult and challenging period but I did and I thrive afterward. Along the way, I have made my many friends who, I know I can count on. 

 Fast forward 30 years to now, and here I am, facing my foe again. I will conquer this demon yet again. I will and I have to. I have done it before, I will do it again.  

Why not tell the truth?

So the newly hired manager finally arrive this week. First impression was that he is a good man with a decent head on his shoulder. On the surface, we shared many common visions and style of management. That's expected especially when we are about the same age, and went to business school. Heck, we even share many personality traits such as being an introvert and doesn't has an abrasive interpersonal skill. I, honestly, don't anticipate too much of a problem working with him.

His appointment, under normal circumstances, will be a good one. However, these are not ordinary time. He was supposed to lead the group to new height. If he is so similar to me, and I am not good enough, how is he going to be successful? The only visible differences between us are height, I am taller, shape, he is rounder, and color, he is white. The answer was pretty clear to me. I was denied, not because of my ability, but my color of my skin. Technical skills, and institutional knowledge, has not bearing on this hiring.

This is not my birth country and I totally understand my role in this American society. But why hide between a curtain and be a hypocrite? Why don't just tell me that they preferred a white face leading a group? Racial discrimination is never going to go away. I think people just have to be up front about the issue and be truthful to themselves. It is a sad day for me. Never in my life have I foresee this coming my way.

Just as note, the person behind the appointment is black. She didn't do the right thing but instead she became just another racist. Getting the best qualified person with the right skills set for the job was never on the agenda.

Perpetual downward cycle.

Came out of a meeting where the management team trying to clear the air and boost the morale of the group. They demanded that we trust each other, they demanded that we respect each other and they also demand that we don't hold our feeling back. A lot of demands coming from leadership that lack accountability and credibility!

Surely, one can't say what in my mind freely. Repercussion and retaliation will be shift and serve. In addition, when the perception of the management is none too favorable, why should one step forward? Where is the incentive or the carrot? This will eventually lead to disingenuous feedback that will only add on to the problem.

The current depressed economic cycle has shown us the true characteristics of many appointed leaders in the corporate world. The truly great ones use the opportunity to gather talents, inspire and motivate, and strategically position to take advantage when the cycle turn. The wanna-be type, on the other hand, will rein in with micro-managing and fear mongering style of management and usher in an environment of  a my way or the high way environment.

Well, until I get my change to lead my own team. I'll just have to suck it up for now.

Philosophical Difference

Yes, after 8 years of working together, I came to the realization that there is philosophical difference between myself and management on how the department should be ran. In today society, you would hope that progressive thinking and being pro-active is the only way forward. However, the last few months have shown me that people, especially those of hyper ego, will almost never admit mistakes and take the necessary steps to undo all the mistakes.

I don't hold my hope high of getting the interviewed position. Never have I want an interview to badly. Just like what everyone said in a divorce, we have grew apart. The gap is so huge that our differences are irreconcilable.

Head spinning decision

So, we all agreed that there is more than one approach to solve any problem. But while agreeing, we were also told that the only way forward is their way. We come across with people who contradict themselves all the time, and sadly, these are usually the people higher up in the corporate ladder. Justifiably or now, these are the same people who many have entrusted their hard earned money to in hope for a reasonable return.

In these economic hard times, these sort of "leadership" will sink the ship. These leaders do not have the best interest of their shareholder in mind. Instead, they are all about preserving what they have and ignoring the bubbling problems. In hard times, the hard decision is the move forward and not repeat the same mistakes.That is why successful organization always emerged more powerful and better positioned to take on the new world.

We have to realize that the reason we are where we are as a organization is because of certain decisions and actions. If we don't correct the wrongs, the same set of rules will ensure further erosion of the already weaken structure of the organization.

However, I do not trust the right decisions will be made. Thus, the demise will continues.

Not Adding Up

To often, we came across situations or actions taken by people, organization and we scratches our head and say, WTF? I have decided to document these encounters for future laughter and humor.